Just Can't think

What is the difference between Like and Love?

Liking someone and Loving someone although they go hand in hand and sometimes awfully mistaken by many as the same thing, there is an actual different - a big one - between the two. Loving someone is when your happiness depends on the happiness of the person you love, and sometimes, this could be a mutual attraction between both parties. Liking on the other hand, is crushing on a person, or simply liking a person for their admirable qualities. In my previous post, I explained that my friend and I solely debate on physical attractions, and linking to that would be crushes.

There is no denying that crushing is a natural feeling any adolescent or human being would feel in their life time. We have all these crushes we might still remember, sometimes, these are called our first loves. I have a big problem with crushing on guys, but that's not important, they are simply a passing thought any of us would dismiss as "oh that persons cute" but not the deeper level of physical attraction to the point where you actually want them to be your lover or be intimately closer with them.

So back to the difference between like and love. There has only been two guys I had openly expressed to my friends about having a crush on or "like". So let's take a little in depth analysis to this shall we? My first crush, besides the puppy crush i'd have in elementary, and this was seriously one that was long, lasted 5 years. I had a crush on him since Jr. High school, and as I explained to my odd taste, was slender, gentleman-ish, shy, and mysterious. He was cute too, short probably around my height. He graduated a year ago, and my feelings for him simply vanished way before he left when I've met my current crush. Similarly, this guy is mysterious, shy, slender, but really tall. While I mainly hadn't expressed my feelings about guys to my friends, oddly enough i was open about these two guys. And while, the guy I liked for 5 years gave me this butterflies feeling and was my first source of inspirations in all things I did, my other guy just messes with my head. I don't even know the difference between liking and loving anymore. Whenever I do something, I'd think of him, and this time when I was in church we were singing a song that had his name, and then in opening prayer, I started thinking about him. Which is really bad because its getting worst everyday.

I always told myself that I'm okay with liking people, that is crushing on people, using them as my inspiration, but then when its with him, its a whole new situation, if I liked the first guy for 5 years, why did everything change all of a sudden? Why did those 5 years get wasted, and why was this new guy affecting my life as it already is? I've never cried over a guy before, and surely this guy was the first. I get annoyed thinking about liking him, and I'm super awkward whenever I am around him. I'd steal peeks of him when he is not looking, and I just can't bring myself to interact with him without making a total fool of myself in front of him. I can't even focus on my work because all i think about is him. And what makes it worst, is that it just gets worst everyday because i have to deal with seeing him everyday.

We talked online, and he's pretty cool guy, but then i'm just so awkward up front and personal. I just don't know how to interact with him. And whenever I ignore him in class, is what makes it even awkwarder on both our parts. At first it was simply a crush, I like him, and I wanted to start out as friends with him, until it just got worst over the whole year, and I get jealous easily when he talks to other girls, whenever we are around each other inside i'm happy but outside i'm blushing. I get really nervous, and I've never even felt this way to my first crush which was 5 years long.

So love or like? It started out as like, in other words, crushing. And then I realized after all the shit load of messages i've been exchanging with my friend, although I always deny it, its obvious as they say "I love him". But then what if I don't want to love, or at least I'm not ready? What if I am just okay with crushing on that person without expecting him to like me back and I'm just okay with using him as my source of inspiration? I am not even ready to go into a relationship, in fact, if someone asked me out right then and there, or if he does, I don't even know how i'd react. I seriously just don't know, I would be stunned, I would be mind blown, I just don't know how I would react to that. And now that I am almost graduating and nothing is progressing between us, it just keeps getting worst, and I just want it all to stop, but how? Can you train yourself not to fall in love? That's why we fall right? Because we don't intend to, but sometimes something makes us trip and makes us fall into these confusing feelings? My other friend feels the same way, she's so tired of being confused she wished she was a robot, and I wish I was too, because as of now my priority is my future ahead of me, but how can I focus with him plaguing my mind.

It's that crazy little thing called love of course, we don't know when cupid would strike because love moves in mysterious ways, and that is why sometimes we blindly fall in love, and sometimes fall for the wrong people, but sometimes, we too learn from our mistakes, and eventually get used to our feelings.